


breaking waves (where the heart is)

by cassandor



Series: beyond the beach [3]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Angst, F/M, POV Jyn Erso, Tumblr Prompt, everything is just implied, might want to check the notes but also spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-09 00:14:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11092881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cassandor/pseuds/cassandor
Summary: jyn loses cassian. she has to make a choice. for @therebelcaptainnetwork‘s rebelcaptain week! day five: home





	breaking waves (where the heart is)

> _Where is my heart, my love?_ _Is it in a flower, on the moon, below fire, beyond the sky?_

* * *

“Any news?” Bodhi’s voice crackles over the comm. 

“About me or him?”

Bodhi sighs. “Both.” 

“Well. I’m learning a bit about myself. And… we still haven’t heard anything from him.” Jyn waits, picturing Bodhi chewing his lip as he mulls over her response.

“How long has it been?”

“Six weeks for me. _It._ A month for him.” 

There’s a long silence and Jyn thinks the signal went out. 

“If you need anything…” He clears his throat.  “Anything,” he repeats forcefully. 

Jyn nods, then remembers Bodhi can’t actually see her. “Thanks, Bo.” 

“This _is_ a war, Jyn. Even the Rebellion doesn’t have a home anymore… so…”  There’s a pause as he searches for the right words. She can almost see him fumbling with the fraying edges of his flight suit, tugging at his gloves as he speaks. “Whatever choice you make,” he continues slowly, “We’re with you. All of us.” 

Jyn sniffs. “Thank you.” 

“And, um… remember that… he’d be with you all the way. No matter what you choose.” He adds in a rush, “Not that you need me to tell you that, b-but… just in case you wanted to hear it out loud…” 

Jyn’s biting her lip, not sure what to say. “Thanks,” she repeats, softer this time. “I did need that.” She wasn’t too sure if it was the hormones but it was getting easier for her to voice her feelings. Or maybe it was the rebellion that had changed her. It had changed all of them, anyways. 

“Alright. Comm me if you need anything. Anyone. May the Force be with you.”

“And you,” Jyn replies before the connection cuts out. 

She’s left sitting alone in the pilot’s chair, thinking. 

* * *

The memory was spotty at best. In hindsight, the symptoms were obvious but it went unnoticed long enough for Jyn to collapse after a long briefing. 

She doesn’t remember him running with her in his arms to the medbay.  All she had was a blurry image of Cassian’s soft eyes dark with concern, worry lines deepening as he pulled her up into his arms.

That was the last time she had seen him. 

She woke up alone in the bed, a med-droid humming by her side. There had been an emergency, she was told. Cassian had been sent off on the mission early. He hadn’t wanted to leave until Jyn had awoken. But with some convincing (confirmation that she wasn’t dying, promises from the Rogue One crew, and Draven appealing to his sense of duty) he’d eventually left. 

All communication was lost soon after.

* * *

This wasn’t the longest Cassian had been off the radar. _But…_  

He could very well be dead. 

A shiver goes down her spine. Her resolve wavers. _What if_? 

Bodhi’s voice resonates in her mind. _Even the Rebellion doesn’t have a home anymore_. They had scattered all over the galaxy after Echo Base had been compromised three standard weeks ago. 

 _Home._  

“Welcome home,” Cassian had said, unaware of how true the statement would become. If he was really gone, he’d be taking her last sense of peace in the galaxy with him. _Unless…_

She could, quite possibly, be carrying whatever was left of him. Her hands tremble as she toys with the kyber pendant around her neck. 

The child’s dark eyes a reminder, his sharp intelligence and good heart preserved. She would find a new home, even if it was just for their sake. Find peace in those same eyes. 

It was a valid reason, maybe a selfish one. But respectable. 

 _This is a war, Jyn_. The words echo in her bones. 

It was a valid reason, but it wasn’t good enough for her. Not in this universe. She’d find her way somehow. Just not like this. 

Steadying her trembling hands, she comms Bodhi. 

* * *

> _I_ _t’s in your eyes, in your breath, in your night, in your heart, in your hands, in your soul._  

**Author's Note:**

> yes, she's pregnant, and yes, she aborts the baby. but it's very vague so it should be okay for a trigger, unless even the mention is too much.


End file.
